Tuesday, 31 March 2009

Ok, ok...the real estate agent is not a bitch...

Just to be fair a little update. The real estate agent called me back and told me she'll reschedule the Open house inspection on Saturday. Well this proves again what a polite request on an answaphone can do...

Next Open House inspections and cat entertainment

G'day!

To everyone and a special welcome to Emm, Josara, Julia and Cord (I'm still not 100% positive it's you but as only my friends on FB can find this blog I deducted it is most likely that it is you).

We got the dates for the next Open house inspections yesterday and this time the fuckers have gone too far! Saturday at 10.45am? Who the fuck thinks he could make any appointments on the weekend before noon? I mean even my family learned eventually not to call me before noon on weekends. It's not that I go out drinking til 6am or similar it's just a matter of principle. Weekend mornings are sacred and no fucking arsehole of a real estate agent has the right to fuck with that!!!

I have already tried to call that real-estate bitch but she has turned her mobile off, probably sleeping in. My flatmate will call the tenants'-rights-hotline today to find out if we have any options to prevent the real estate agents to schedule so many inspections. I'm really sorry for him as I'm out of here for good but poor Ben has to endure the inspection terror and also has to live with the uncertainty of not knowing if he can continue living here after the house is sold.

Now for something completly different and something that takes my mind off the inspections: cat entertainment!!! Here are some pics from yesterday:

Spunkie's favorite place to relax, she's cuddle-cat
A little later that evening Toby joined us for a threesome
Spunkie on my left, Toby on my right and me in the role of the UN peacekeeping soldier in the middle.
When both cats were sleeping got up to take a pic
but then Spunkie woke up and was quite sceptical about Toby laying on "her" bed
She was really annoyed, this is one mean looking cat

And in other news: I sold my DVDs to my friend Mel and now I'm burning, burning and burning because I don't think that I can get "Thank God you're here" or "Coupling" back home. I will need more empty DVDs...I also look forward to tonight 12 o'clock when our internet connection gets rolled over and it will work decently again. Ok that's it for today, I need to clean up my room now because of the fucking House inspection tomorrow and then it's off to Regent to clean artefacts for the rest of the day.

Take care and cya

Monday, 30 March 2009

The art of cleaning artefacts

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Sunday, 29 March 2009

My first follower, weird traffic day and Australia wants to go China...?

G'day,

Sunday the 29th of March seems to be "Weird traffic and road behavior day" in the northern suburbs of Melbourne, maybe in all of Australia but surely around Regent and Preston. People stopping for no reason in the middle of the street, driving backwards, going in a walking pace on major roads or just standing on the street. Maybe the more-than-average driving skills of the F1 pilots at the Grand Prix are generated by leeching the skills of "normal" drivers, who knows. If you have observed similar, please let me know.

My first follower
Since yesterday I have my first follower. Thanks Emily, as you are also the only follower you'll get a personalised greeting! I feel a bit like Jesus when he got his first disciple and contemplate (again) if I should start my own religion. I'll have to discuss this with my friend Dirk, when I'm back home. I'll keep you updated.

The meat feast
Yesterday evening was awesome. I was at a meat feast, ok actually we had lots of veggies too:
And this is how it looked 45 minutes later
But then we also had dessert


It was a great evening, the food was fuckin awesome (Thanks Chris! and sorry mum) and the conversations were very entertaining and mainly about sex. I learned that gay men don't care about the clitoris and that people who describe themself as "bi-curious" are in the majority of cases female and also pathetic.

Australia goes China
One thing which happens here right now and causes quite some stir is the plan of the Australian government to implement a "blacklist" for the internet. The Australian Communications and Media Authority (ACMA) plans to make a filter software mandatory for all Australian Internet Service Providers which would block access to "prohibited" content and child pornography. But also to "inappropriate" and "unwanted" material such as euthanasia, satanism, gambling and all pornography websites. And also some sites that promote Christianity! This is a nice touch...

Right now this filter software is tested with several Australian ISPs.

When I heard about that the first time I couldn't believe it, my beloved Australia, land of easy-going people, land of "no worries" and "she'll be all right" wants to join the elite group of freedom loving countries and model-democracies like China, Iran, North Korea, Saudi Arabia and all those other arsehole states.

I meant apart from this being some technophobic to-the-bone-conservative bavarian town politicians wet-dream such a plan wouldn't even been seriously discussed back home, which is one of the up-sites of Germany. After the 3rd Reich we are a little allergic to censorship in any form. And up until now I thought the Australians wouldn't be overly keen on censorship too but I can only hope that this plan will be buried in a deep hole in the middle of a moonless night as it should be.

But now for the funny bit. The ACMA made a big secret out of the contents of the blacklist for quite some time but than it came as it always does...the whole list leaked. And some of the URL on there were a little surprised to find themself on a government blacklist. A dentist from Queensland, a pet care facility and a site belonging to a school cafeterias consultant, just to name a few. For those who want to have a look at the full list:

http://wikileaks.org/wiki/Australian_government_secret_ACMA_internet_censorship_blacklist%2C_18_Mar_2009

If you aways wanted to look at forbidden content on the net this is your chance, the Australian government has compiled this nice list with suggestions for you. Maybe you should write to your MP and thanks them personally for providing you with the URLs to some of the filthiest and sickest websites on the internet.

Btw, the minister responsible for this bullshit plan, minister for communications, Stephen Conroy, blames the russian mafia for adding the "harmless" URLs to the blacklist...yeah sure...

http://www.theage.com.au/news/home/technology/conroy-uses-russian-mob-defence/2009/03/27/1237657120642.html

As a result of the leak and the public stir, several of the ISPs have pulled out of the filtering software trials and urged the government to drop the plan. The use of filter software would slow down the internet, the whole thing wouldn't work properly anyway as the already existing filters in the freedom loving democracies such as Saudi Arabia fail to filter around 20% of the "forbidden" content and the biggest point why it wouldn't work is the one simple fact that the criminal mind will always find a way to overcome such simple obstacles. I mean I'm no computer hacker but even I have at least 2 ideas how to circumnavigate such filter software.

For those of you who feel like they want to do something again this outrageous plan. Here is the website which organises the campaign "Save the net!" join and let your voice be heard:

http://www.getup.org.au/campaign/SaveTheNet/442

That's all for today, take care and cya soon

Saturday, 28 March 2009

Saturday - Open house inspection

G'day!

Another Saturday, another Open house inspection. The house I currently live in is up to be sold.


Unlike back home tenants have literally no rights here. It took me some time to really understand that when I first came here but it's quite simple: as a tenant you have to pay the rent and then you are -more or less- at the mercy of the landlord/owner/rental agent. If they want you out they can kick you out without any real notice and in some cases for example if the owner can't pay his mortgage they send the Sheriff and you just have to vacate the property within the hour. This is hard to get your head around, I mean it's not your fault that the owner didn't pay but they kick you out...

One of the other strange things are the Open house inspections. When they sell a property, potential buyers come and inspect the house regardless if anyone lives there or not. This happens since 2 weeks with our place. Twice a week we have the real-estate-agent showing the house to some potential buyers. Ben and me have to keep the house reasonably clean which is fair enough but each of us has a cat, which is illegal so we have to remove any trace of cat-presence and hide the cats. It's ok with Spunkie, quite funny actually as she really hated her transport box. Every time she saw the box she ran away and hid somewhere and it was a real challange to get her into the box but by now she got used to it. Two night ago I woke up in the morning and Spunkie was nowhere to be found. In the end I look into her box and there she was, she had climbed into the box by herself and slept in there.

How to hide a cat:

1. This morning I had to vacuum my room as Spunkie tends to spread cat litter all over the room
2. collect her toys
3. hide her food and water bowls
4. hide the cat food
5. hide the scratching post
6. hide the cat litter
7. finally hide the cat herself.

One cat is hidden in this picture:


Spunkie was put in her box, the box was put in a corner of the room and covered with cloths. In order to conceil any cat related noises I played some music in my room and just to make a point I choose to play Dead Kennedys' "Let's lynch the landlord" in a loop even though I guess that this effort was wasted but it made me feel better...

Spunkie refuses to leave the box, she's still in there...
Looking a bit confused...

But is still sitting in her box, even now...

Everything was good until Toby came in....now they are having the next stare-off...Spunkie is growling and Toby just doesn't understand why she won't play with him...awesome entertainment:


And now for something completely different:

The downside of your parents being on Facebook

Both of my parents are on Facebook. Initially I was proud that my parents could master the internet but yesterday evening I experienced the downside of this situation. When I spoke to my mum she told me in this typical mum-voice that "I should watch my language on Facebook". I asked what she meant as I watch my language (I always double check the spelling and grammar before I post something). She then told me that people could be offended by the use of the f-word. What the fuck?

To be fair, she didn't complain for her sake, she was more concerned that potential employers or official people could find my facebook site and be offended. I explained to her the existence and effect of privacy settings and that put her at ease again.

I explained that I don't use my real name and my privacy settings are quite high so that no one who isn't my friend can even find me. And I know the dangers of the internet. I was already online when my mother hasn't even heard of the internet. And I love the word "fuck". In my view it's not even a swearword, it's an emotional amplifier. For example if you compare the sentences:

"I hate Open house inspections"

and

"I fuckin hate Open house inspections"

the second sentence expresses the emotional state of hatred towards Open house inspections in a much more vivid way. I guess it's a generation thing that my parents don't approve the use of the f-word. I don't ask for approval just for tolerance, the use of the f-word is covered by the freedom of expression...

It's a pity that the German language doesn't have an equivalent word. "Verdammt" (=damn) is just not the same and "verfickt" (which would be the translation of fucked) just sounds wrong.

In short, I'll keep using the word "fuck" and if anyone doesn't like it they can fuck off!

Ok, that was it for today, I'm looking forward to the meat feast tonight and will report tomorrow...

Take care!

Australian stare-off or why cat entertainment is better than television

G'day,

Today is Saturday and I'm just awake and have been making coffee and when I came back into my room, Toby reclaimed the butt-ugly suitcase


He and Spunkie were having an Australian stand-off. That's like a Mexican stand-off it just involves less guns. Spunkie is a little grumpy as she was sitting on the windowsill when Toby came into the room and now she can't move. If she would jump down Toby would chase her and that would end with a bloody nose for him. Even though my little princess is just a quarter of his weight, she's 2.5 kg, he is over 10 kg, she beats him up if he's stupid enough to come too close to her.


And as Toby is a typical Australian male he is stupid enough to go near a cat which displays all warning signals and hisses at him. And he fights like a sissy but Spunkie is a lean mean fighting mashine so it always ends with him being clawed over the nose. Males, eh?

Ok, that's all for this morning, now I have to clean up because we have another bloody open house inspection at 1.15pm. I fucking hate it....

I'll update the blog for today after the house inspection, so cya then...

Friday, 27 March 2009

The tale of my butt-ugly suitcase

G'day!

Today it's 24 days to go and I've completed at least on task already. In the event of traveling you usually need some kind of luggage to put your things, cloths and stuff in. The suitcase I had when I came here was victim to poor storage conditions and I had to put him down. Now I needed a new suitcase. So I viewed the usual suspects (Ebay, tradingpost and gumtree) and the available luggage was either too small, too expensive or just too far away locationwise. The only suitable suitcase (haha) I found on Ebay went to someone else for $1.24 as my internet connection already reached the monthly limit and only works in snail-pace. Missed out by 3 seconds, I was a little disappointed but who knows what that was good for?

And as I've already suspected there was another way to become owner of a piece of luggage. Thanks to the hint of my friend Emily (by the way I can do a little advertising for her now: check out Emilys online store under http://www.stores.ebay.com.au/smittenkitten-hair-couture-and-more , she does some awesome hair-clips, retro style a little Rock-a-Billy with flowers) I went to Savers on Sydney Road which is a huge second hand supermarket full of the strangest and ugliest stuff. And there I found -in a 99ct bin- this "beauty":


I wanna specifically mention the beautiful floral design and the nice (fake) leather thinggies at the corners. He who carries such a tasteful piece of luggage is clearly a man of the world and probably gay...

Anyway, it was the biggest suitcase they had and you can't really argue with 99ct and at least I will be able to find my suitcase on the conveyor belt as I bet nobody else will travel with something like this. It's so butt-ugly that it's nearly a collectors piece. Toby (the cat of my flatmate) apparently likes the suitcase:


He spend the whole afternoon sitting on top of it. And when he left Spunkie took over:


I guess it will be pretty ragged by the time the cats are done with it. I should put it somewhere safe.

This afternoon I went to my old work in the city to meet my ex-workmates and to get facebook- or email-addresses from those guys and girls from whom I didn't have this information yet (this sentence doesn't look too grammatical correct but that can't be helped now). That was quite nice, had a little chat with several people I haven't seen for quite some time and many of them will come to my farewell party (btw 18th of April at Unit 1, 17 Wrexham Road, Windsor if you wanna come).

Yesterday evening Josara and me went to see the play "The tank" at the Plenty Ranges Arts Center. There is a website ( http://www.arts.vic.gov.au/content/TestDrive/Test_Drive_the_Arts/Test_Drive_the_Arts_Home.aspx ) where you can get free tickets to all kinds of arty events and Josara organised 2 tickets for us. The Plenty Ranges Arts Center is way up north literally in the bush. It looks very new and they have probably built it in advance for the event that the area there develops in the next years. So I was standing in front of this thing smoking when I met Kane, who I know from my time in Palmerston North (New Zealand). The world is truly a little place. The play itself was very entertaining and very very Australian, not to say Tasmanian with a lot of Country music in it. Was a great evening.

Ok that's all for today have a good one and cya soon

Thursday, 26 March 2009

First entry - Summary

This blog will describe the adventures I'm encountering while I'm going back home (to Germany) after two and a half years in Australia. I still have 25 days until my flight leaves and I'm planing to see everyone I met here to say good-bye. And I also try to organize as much as I can do from here to make the return home as smooth as possible. So it's a challenge to find the perfect balance between organization and leisure time.

This far I have already managed to find out how to get back into my health insurance, which was one of my biggest worries but it turned out that this will be easy as. That was a huge relief. Just imagining I would be in Germany without health cover caused nightmares. The doctors are a little more expensive there than here in Australia but to be fair at least they are good. Some of the docs I met here...well let's just say "I can't believe you're a doctor".

I'm also listed as "job-searching" with the German department of labor but I will need to go there in person once I'm back home even though I won't get any money from them anyway. Good old German bureaucracy, I told them I was in Australia the last 2.5 years and they sent me a form asking if I have worked at least 360 days in Germany during the last 2 years. As a question, fair enough but somehow pointless. Anyway, as I havn't worked for at least 360 days in the last 2 years in Germany, I won't be eligible for "workless money". I might apply for welfare though, not sure yet, wait and see how things develop once I'm home...

The next big worry was my beloved little princess. What to do with my cat? Take her home with me? I thought long and hard about that. In the end I decided it would be selfish to put her through all that stress, 24h on the plane, then I would need to find a place for her until I have a new flat as my parents hate cats and also I'm planing to go back to Australia so the same thing would happen in reverse. In the end I decided to find a good home for her here. I love that little purr-monster and I only want what's best for her. Besides she's an Australian girl and doesn't speak German. So if she would start with "G'day, mate" all the other cats would pick on her...

But again a stroke of luck: Chey, the girlfriend of my flatmate was looking for a cat. Not a kitten but a cat. And Lo! and behold: Spunkie usually doesn't like female humans (she's jelaous I guess) but she and Chey just hit if off. Spunkie even climed on her lap, cuddled up and went to sleep. So this was love at first sight for both of them. So Spunkie will go to Chey and as she's still young (just turned 3) she will forget me sooner or later. But still I will miss her. Spunkie was my first cat and you never forget your first love. It's strange, when I think about it I get sad but I'm also glad that she will have a good home...

That's a good example for my general emotional state nowadays. On the one hand many things trigger this thought "this is the last time you do this-or-that", for instance I had my last Australian haircut on Monday, and then I get in a quite buesy mood. But on the other hand I am really looking forward to see my friends and family and live in Europe for some time. It's strange that I can't really 100% enjoy those thoughts because they go hand in hand with things I will loose -at least temporarily.

I know that I will miss the friends I made here but I am wondering if I will miss other typical Australian things. Ok, I know I won't miss Cricket on TV but I guess that I will think "why arn't there some guys dressed in white standing around and drinking beer?" when I will see a park in Germany on a weekend. To be fair, there will be guys standing around and drinking beer but they won't use Cricket as an excuse to do so. I won't miss Australian soccer, sorry guys but when I feel like I wanna see something in that quality class, I'll go to see Preussen Muenster playing in the 3rd German soccer legue. I'm not sure if I'm going to miss AFL but I'll miss the rugby. I will miss the beach and all the surfboards I'm going to see will have a sail stuck in them...

Ok, this is enough for today, now I'm going to get myself a suitcase and do my laundry. Next posting tomorrow...G'day to everyone!